The Meatloaf Chronicles
by MungoJerry
Summary: Intense NAPPING ACTION! Discussions on MASCULINITY! SPIDERS attempt to colonize Peach's HAIR! The TRUE FATHER of MEGAMAN X revealed! All this and MORE in CH4: Super Freaking Fighting Robot! Guest starring MEGAMAN X and ZERO! RnR! Eat a sandwich!
1. Chapter 1: The Visitor

THE MEATLOAF CHRONICLES

A/N: This started with me having to make some meatloaf, and being grossed out. Then it turned into something else... "THE MEATLOAF CHRONICLES" will not necessarily always be about the meatloaf, just strange stories and a few parodies that some could consider rants...scratches head...cough...points to rest of story

Disclaimer: No, I don't own any of the Franchises that appear herein. I do own some meatloaf though, to my utter misfortune. LET THE GRAPHIC HORROR BEGIN!

THIS FANFIC HAS BEEN FORMATED TO FIT YOUR SCREEN...and...I guess...THE ANTI-SCRIPT FORM REGULATIONS! ...MAKING IT READ SILLY. AND...UM..I'M PLAYING WITH...VERB...TENSE...

Part One: The Visitor

It appeared in the really big smasherific kitchen.

No one knew how it got there. Many theorized that evil aliens bent on the destruction of the universe had beamed it down. Others thought it was a punishment from God for watching The Man Show for three solid minutes. ... .. ... . ..okay. I wonder who thought that.

But no, it was none of these. All the smashers surrounded the strange object on the table.

Samus was the first to approach it, cautious as rabbit infused with the blood of an alien race. "Hmmm...scans indicate that it is made of paper..."

"Thankyou Captain Obvious." Mewtwo says, squinting at the paper.

"And there appears to be writing..."

COLLECTIVE GASP! Ba DUM bum bum... SFX Provided by...SFX Store: We Do Sound Good 

After the dramatic FX had faded away, Samus continues. "...it's a recipe..." 

All lean forward. 

"...for...meatloaf..." 

Everyone takes an involuntary leap back.

"AIIIIIIIIIEEE!" Zelda faints victorian style into Link's arms.

"I feel gentlmanly!" Link states with a perky face. (!)

All stare.

"What"  
Dr. Mario steps up to the front of the crowd and whips a big chalkboard out of that convenient spandex space thing, "This is a dangerous artifact! We must avoid it at all costs! Lest it takes over our minds and makes us do its bidding! You see..." scrawl scrawl scrawl something that has to do with an atom and includes emc2 plus the square root of 2468 equals a meatloaf "The recipe's sole purpose is to bring it's master into being!"

ANOTHER COLLECTIVE GASP!

BZZZZZZZZZZTTT! tv snow

And now...MungoJerry's Tony winning version of "INSERT RANDOM ROMANCE FIC"!

Yoshi sat in the Smasher's HQ cafeteria, wistfully staring out the window at the noon-day sky. He stirred his coffee into lazy swirls with a little red stirrer.

"Wow, Yoshi!" Kirby, his bestest bestest friend in the universe said by his side, "You must really be smitten, who is she?"

The green dinosaur turned to his small pink friend, "Oh, Kirby...simple, simple Kirby...no words can describe her beauty! HOW SHE MAKES MY HEART SING!"

The whole of the cafeteria stopped to stair for a moment to stare. After the crickets got tired, the wit-less banter continued.

"-so I said, THAT'S A BANANA you NITWIT!" spoke Donkey Kong over a mug of Earl Grey.

"HAHAHAHA! That's SMASHING, old bean! Do continue..." replied Mario, sipping a cup of the same.

Suddenly, Team Hyrule stepped in.

Yoshi nearly fainted, "THERE SHE IS! THE SYLPH OF MY DREAMS!" Kirby stared at his friend for a minute, then turned to the pair who had just entered. It was Princess Zelda! 

...oh, and link, who trailed at her side, ladling soup out to impoverished children. One of them fell over and scraped his knee. It was quite an ugly child. link was about to stoop downto help him, but was roughly pushed out of the way by Zelda, who immediately swooped down upon the child.

"Oh! Little one! However will you live again! Let me heal you-"

"No, really, miss, I'm alright."

"Oh, no! I insist, no need to be brave for the lady!"

"No, no, see? The blood has stopped seeping now-"

"I INSIST!'

"Ah, I can walk again!"

"SIT!"

"Okie dokie." And Zelda healed the ugly child, giving him a mass of scar tissue to carry all of his days.

"See how gracious she is? What an angel!" Yoshi said dreamily with a sigh, his heart nearly busting out of his chest like one of Ripley's fetal aliens. "If only she were mine, and not that dratted hero's..." link was handing out small stuffed toys now with a smile on his face.

Kirby looked dubious. "Aww, c'mon man! She's a HUMAN, she wouldn't go for a green, egg-laying dinosaur who's half her size and IQ!"

Yoshi sighed. Again. And said quietly, "I know..."

Zelda turned to the crowd with spotlight on her, "Actually, I'm a HYLIAN! And we'll cross with ANYTHING!" She gave a big, mischievous wink, then the lights turned back to normal.

With a sharp wind and a clap of thunder, a storm arose! The giant glass shutters rattled and Smasher HQ shook, prompting the children to shriek and cower. And who was there, but Zel-

...oh, it's link. He gathered the children in a circle and told them to join hands. "See? There's nothing to be afraid of children! Let us sing a song!"

"Yeah!" they all shouted in unison.

"-bright copper kettles-"

"-and blue sattin sashes!"

"-raindrops that stay on my nose and eyelashes!"

"-brow paper packages tied up with string-"

"-THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!" They all sang happily. Some of the people smiled and rocked their heads to the song. Yoshi, suddenly and miraculously feeling oppressed and depressed by the metaphysically sunny atmosphere, got up and ran out of the room crying like a small child!

...or he TRIED! On his way out, he TRIPPED ON KIRBY!

...AND FELL ON TOP OF lINK!

There were gasps, but link didn't look preturbed in the least, "Why, hello little fellow-" link was suddenly zapped by lightning,"-BY ALL THAT'S HOLY! WHAT A HIDEOUS BAG OF VOMIT!" and kicked Yoshi in the gut. He grew hair, fangs, and claws, turned to snarl at the children, who screamed, then threw himself out the glass window and ran off into the rain, snarling psychotically like a wolverine.

"I knew he was trouble!"

"What a terrible man!"

"If he comes back, I'LL SHOOT HIM!" All stopped to stare at Samus for a moment, and, since there were no crickets, some cicadas took over instead. "...uh...actually, I didn't mean that."

JUST THEN! Prince Marth of Altea crashed through the door with a clap of thunder and a roar of angst!

"ROOOOAAARRGGHH! AAAGGH!" He proceeded to throw random people around the room and bash his head on walls. "I HATE MYSELF! " He downed a bottle of Zoloft, kicking a small round blob out of the way in order to get to it. He ran over to Captain Falcon, who was placidly drinking some soda.

"Well, heyah' manic guy, how are-AGHRR!" And kicked him in the face, toppling him over and jumping up and down on him many many times.

"Oh, what a sad...sad man..." whispered Peach to Ness, who nodded.

"I think he's HOT!" said Jigglypuff from under Bowser's fallen body.

"I agree, I think violently hurting innocents is SEXY!" said Queen Amidala from her seat.

Suddenly, HE CAUGHT SIGHT OF SAMUS! And stopped, all his anger melted away like velveeta cheese placed too long in the microwave. He stomped up to her.

"Oh, vision of beauty! I demand you come to my bed tonight!"

Samus clapped her hand over her breathing tubes. "Oh...my..I feel...feminine...and weak...cannot...resist...romantic...feelings...taking...over...must...wear...pretty-yet-revealing-dress...MY HEART TREMBLES!"

Marth looked piercingly into her eyes...

"OH, wait. Nevermind. That's just my allergy medicine." SHA-BOOM!

And Marth's troubles ended right then and there.

Off in a corner sat Yoshi, niagra falls for his eyes. "Oh, woe is me! I am a hideous bag of vomit! WAAAA!"

"Don't cry small green one!" an ethereal vision filled his...VISION! It was...PRINCESS ZELDA! "Yoshi..."

"...yes...?"

"...do you love me...Yoshi?"

"...yes..." and they began to snog, making disgusting noises and causing all the small impoverished children to go blind and all present lose the contents of their stomach.

"Awww...MAN! Since I'm the only competent hero remaing, I've got to save everyone!" said Roy as he pushed past Luigi, who was helping up Captain Falcon. So, with the aid of Mewtwo's angsts powers and Mr. Game and Watch's randomness, Roy teleported everyone somewhere else...where they couldn't here the echoes of Yoshi and Zelda's snogging.

Epilogue

"Do, a deer, a female deer-"

"Rei, a drop of golden sun!-and a sailor scout so I'm told..."

"Mi, a name, I call my-self-"

"Fa, a longer way to ruunnnn!"

Link and Malon ran through the long waving grass of Hyrule field, leaping gaily, accompanied by the impoverished children, now fattened on cuccoos, and their Kokiri pals, who can now magically leave the forest! Epona frolicks next to them while cows dance to the beat.

"So, a needle pulling threeead-"

"La, a note to follow sooo!"

"Ti, a drink with jam and breaaad!"

"AND IT ALL COMES BACK TO DOH-"

"-oh-"

"-oh-"

"-OH-"

And they laughed gaily.

Fin. For now.

BZZZZZTT!  
more tv snow

When we last tuned in, there was...

...A DRAMATIC GASP...

Marth sips tea in a corner with a cast on his neck from the production of the "romantic" story. "You know...meat loaf isn't that bad..."

Link's eyes widen in horror and his face becomes a mask of UTTER DIS-BELIEF. "Are you kidding! It's the instrument of the DEVIL!"

Marth continued, "Actually, it's really-"BZZZZZZZZZZZTT..

fin. 


	2. Chapter 2: IT Has You

ANY SIMILARITIES TO ACTUAL EVENTS OR CHARACTERS IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL

A/N: Ahm. Well. You see...this is a story where I can relax and all the smashers can relax and have fun in a nice, encourageing atmosphere, man. ANd, like, act and stuff. And be themselves. If you can't tell or don't know already, this story was taken down because of its script format, and now I'm putting it back up, revised barely and fun. For me.

Part Two: And Now, A Cliched Matrix Parody (aka People Have Problems)

Marth blinked, mug still clutched in his hand. "What was I saying?"

"Something about the benevolent qualities of meatloaf," Link reminded him with a dip of his chin.

"OH, right, well-BZZZZZZZZZTTT!#$# Why do you people have to keep interupting me!"

tv snow And now, A TRAILER!

...1010100 10101110 1010100 0101010 111101 01010111 0101...

...It's controlling your mind...

shows image of teen with sweat rolling down his face

...It's commanding your life...placing you in a simple dream of the real world...

the camera zooms in on teen's eye, we see a familiar someone with sunglasses reflected in the iris. It's Agent Smith, silly!

...It. Is. The Matrix.

shows image of a legion of Agents forcing teenagers to do math

3 4 x 5 5 7 6 ?

Coming soon to theaters.

BZZTT!

Link screams, his face a pale plaster mask of terror, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"That was pointless," Marth said.

"A little bit."

"Why don't you take off that mask?"

"Okay." Link removes the nicely made thin plaster mask of terror.

"Wanna play on the computer?"

Link agrees and rubs his rock hard biceps. "...why do I feel the cold chill of a foreshadowing?"

Marth points to Samus, who is blocking the light and wearing sun glasses over her visor.

Link eyes her new gettup warily. "Oh. Uh, Samus, why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"There are no sunglasses." she states.

Marth sees a fork lying on the floor. Since, you know, they're in the kitchen, or near it and its untidy! "Hey-"

"There is no fork!" Samus spazzes.

Marth does one of these, o-O, and says,"Uh.."

Samus jumps out window, landing on the pavement and creating a ripple of energy that uproots a few garden plants, then runs off.

Actually, everyone's in the cafeteria slash ballroom, which is quite lovely and decked with chandeliers and large, beautiful glass windows.

Link and Marth both stare with their jaws slack. "..uh.."

Link closed his mouth first, then opened it again to say, "Should we follow?"

Marth shook his head. "Nah. I get this feeling that if we did we would start a chain reaction ultimately culminating in an epic battle that questions the existence of reality with crappy, overdone actions scenes and useless amounts of confusing dialogue."

scene pauses and Tatl flies up to the camera

Tatl: Actually, we here at Dime-a-Dozen Studios, a subsidary of Mj Inc., feel that the first Matrix was excellent, and that the second one was crappy. Then we heard nothing good about the third...uhh..yeah..

dons minature fairy ray-ban sunglasses and holds up a deneuralizer from MiB

Tatl: THERE IS NO DISCLAIMER. FLASHY FLASHY -BEEEEUUU-uuuuuuuu...disappears

"What was I saying?" Marth rubbed his scalp under his tiara.

Link also massaged his cranium. "I..I can't remember..

"You have good short term memory, you told me."

"When?"

"This morning."

"I did?" everything pauses and he turns to camera "I'll let you, the one on your fanny in front of the computer, figure that one out."

Yoshi walks in with a latte'.

Link and Marth greet him heartily and with great ghetto gusto and arm wagging.

"Heyyyy! It's the Yoshi-man!"

"thee yooOOSH-terrrrR!"

"HEY, my sword swingin' BRUTHAS!" Yoshi returns, high fiving them with his tail.

From the shadows, a voice leaks. "You know, lizards have diseases."

deep, DEEP in the background, in a far away room, we hear hurried steps and a faucet being turned on as Zelda pours a few bottles of listerine in her mouth and fervently brushes her teeth

gurgle "I'm not" gurlge "payed enough for this..."gurgle

All concerned go "GAH!"

The voice continues. "I know this, for I am...MISTER GAME AND WATCH!"

For lack of better ideas, cicadas chitter a bit more, then run away and are replaced by katy-dids.

Marh lysols his hands. "Don't we know you?"

Mr.GameandWa-you know, I'll just use an anacronym.

Tatl: Acronym.

Shut up.

MG&W nodded. "Yes. I talked to you both just this morning. And the morning before that. In fact, I've known you two for quite a few years."

Marth looked incredibly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I have long term memory loss."

Yoshi sips his latte' "..soooo...Marth, has your neck healed yet?"

"I'm wearing a cast." The prince tried to fit some fingers under it, as his neck was itchy.

"Yes?"

The kati-dids don little red hats and dresses and begin a conga line.

MG&W shook his head rapidly, clearing his mind and ridding himself of the vagaries of the present situation. "How about we follow the plot line an- BLOOOOPBOOPEEDOOP-REEeeeEEEGEEK -d follow Samus?"

"What the heck was that!" Link said, one hand clutching the hat on his head and the other fingering accusingly at MG&W.

"I have terrets." the sprite stated simply.

Eyes shifting carefully to the left and right, Marth added, "Was that politically correct?"

MG&W hits Yoshi with a hammer and beeps. "No."

Suddenly, with a rumbling like thunder, a herd of laywers that look suspiciously like Agents appears on the horizon wearing Nikes and comes charging at the Smash HQ and Mj Inc, with lawsuits concerning use of The Matrix and terrets. A new one appears carrying a lawsuit from Nike. There's also one loitiering in the background from Nintendo, but a quick letter containing certain valuable slips of paper turns him away.

Borrowing Link's mask of terror for the moment, Marth yelled, "CRAP!"

MG&W issued a RRRING!

"Dude, we don't have time for that right now!" Link said in exhasperation.

"No, that's my cell phone, you dingy-head! See the brackets!" MG&W pointed to the brackets.

"Oh.. ...DINGY HEA-what was I talking about?"

MG&W answers his phone, "Hello? Yes? White rabbit? I don't know what you're talking abou--"

Yoshi grabs the phone from him. "Let me handle this! I know this movie better than you!"

Link stops tickling one of the cicadas, of whom is giggling in a hilariously cute manner, long enough to say, "What movie?"

Marth slaps his forehead.

Yoshi had to phone to his head, chewing his lips and eyeing the ceiling. "Gotcha'. Where's the nearest phone again? No. I'm not going to jump out that window, just tell me where the nearest phone is so you can take me directly out--I know it's only a story high. NO. I don't want a shrimp burrowing into my stomach, of which is WITHOUT a navel, so I hesitate to think where it would go inste--hello? Hello! Crap."

Marth stands expectantly. "Well?"

The green lumpy dinosaur clicks shut the cell phone. "Do you guys want mechanical shrimps in your bellies or would you rather follow Samus?

"Samus." The swordsman were unanimous.

"Do they come with cocktail sauce?" MG&W asked.

Everyone stops to stare at our two dimensional friend. The katy-dids don mexican hats and shake little maracas.

"Hey, I don't HAVE a- REEPBEEPBEEPBEEP - bellybutton."

Marth sniffed and eyed the performing insects. "...let's just go."

ANOTHERPERSON(S)! shout "WAIT!"

All concerned turn around to see Zelda and Peach in Matrix-esque garb.

"Hey! What are you guys doing here!" Link gawked.

"Females are under-represented in this plot!" Zelda exclaimed, "We're here to remedy this problem, as well as kick some can on the side!" Peach and Zelda strike a Charlie's Angel pose, but less kinky.

Marth stares, admiring their...er..."form" as mister Bond would say.

Zelda deadpans, then snaps her fingers and Marth's head catches fire.

"AAGGHHH!" The indigo prince waves his hands around wildly and crashes into tables and chairs.

MR.G&W claps his hands like a small child in FAO Swchartz, "YAY! Now-- REEEPBEEPBEEEP-- we can have a romantic quadrangle!"

All, Yoshi and Zelda especially, shout, "NO!"

Marth is still crashing into tables. Link takes pity on him and puts his hat on Marth's head to snuff the fire. Our true blue friend wimpers and sniffs, "Thanks..."

"ENOUGH!" someone shouted.

All freeze and stare at Yoshi. Wisps of smoke curl and rise off of Marth's head.

Yoshi tosses his coffee over his shoulder. "It's time we get serious," he puts on sun glasses without...uh...those...handle things..., "Come. It's time we took...the red pill." He procceeds to don an over-large black cloak and runs impossibly fast, leaping out the window and covering an impossible distance, making a ripple thing that throws a few cows into the air when he lands.

Link's eyes grew to the size of tea spoons, "...how did he do that?"

Far-away, Yoshi answers, "IT'S THE COFFEE!"

"B-but, you dumped it all out!" Peach said.

There's a pause before Yoshi's next reply. "OH..RIGHT...SORRY, YOU GUYS'LL JUST HAVE TO WALK!"

Marth grumbles as he slowly climbs out the window like an old man, trying not to scratch himself on glass as he does so. "owW!"

All look un amused. Like, oh, this: -.- .

"What are we doing?" Link said.

"That was cheesy Link." Zelda commented.

"As was your line."

"Let's stop."

"Okay!" Link leaps out of the window enthusiastically, "OOMph!"

fin.

Next time. ON. THE MEATLOAF CHRONICLES. A DUCK. WITH. AN. ARROW. THROUGH IT'S HEAD- oh wait, no, it's...

Part Three: A Story So Dark and Violent and Philosophophylican, NO LIGHT ESCAPES. (aka look, mom! I can invent words!)

There you go, folks. 


	3. Chapter 3: A Story So Dark and Violent

Part Three: A Story So Dark and Violent and Philosophophylican, NO LIGHT ESCAPES. (aka look, mom! I can invent words!)

A/N: Oh my, compliments from Joeb the Great! Should I be pleased or frightened:b And thankyou for the C2 nomination, falcon man. Now, ready your antidepressants as I try to feel clever!

The Prairie. Once, not so long ago, the Great Frontier, and the setting for dramas and hootenanies centered around a Little House. Now it is only a field of mindless vegetation, marching on and on. Soul less. Marching. Grass. Eating the ground it grows upon. The ground worships the grass because it protects it from the errosive forces of rain and wind, from oblivion it just might be able to SAVOR.

But none shall know true oblivion, because they know not true LIFE. BECAUSE THEY DO NOT EXIST.

D THEM.

They are part of a program. Called. The Matrix.

100010010010100000101011111001010011000101010100100100010101001011110001

If that means anything, I'll eat a ...bowl of cheerios.

Our friends are cursing the grass also, because it means yet another odd plot they must involve themselves in, but now that plot is hijacking the chapter, and any fourthwall breaking our heroes would want to make are wiped aside and woven into the intricate basketry that is this dark tale of gritty realism and philosophy. They wonder what their home base of plot and being is, where it resides. They remember it involved meatloaf...and wonder if this new adventure is a result of the accursed cow derived ingestable brick of nutrition and flavor.

Zelda wiped a bead of sweat from her pale brow. "So..." She carefully eyed the cicadas, who were working like harvester ants at the behest of the author to preserve both the lighter, chillin reality of the smashers and their parodical counterpart.

Oh, I am SO clever.

"So..." the Princess of Destiny continued, "we are now somehow involved in the Matrix.."

"D straight, m f." Mr. Game and Watch entoned, using his interdimensionality to vibrate the very molecules of air surrounding his person to produce sound and words. As he walked, he sliced grass and any small...I can do this...BUT I DON'T WANT TO...BUT THE PARODY DEMANDS IT... S-SMALL...

SMALL ANIMALS THAT GOT IN HIS WAY. Because he was a veritable dimensional knife, slicing through the reality of the third D existence with his two dimensional body.

Zelda wrinkled her face in confusion and disgust at Mr. Game and Watches sudden colorful use of the english language and the thin film of blood on his animating feet.

But that was the way life was. For her, it was always dirty. Something always smeared grime on the bone white already un-imaculate paene of her story, whether it be arab dictators sucking time into their blender of schemes, or her sprawling kingdom's dark, bloody past--

"I need to take a shower," Link said suddenly, "I feel icky and grimy, and there's a shadowy pall to my oddly lyrical speech! I need some Herbal Essence so I can feel DRA-MA CLEEEEAAAAAN--"

Tatl suddenly flies in from STAGE LEFT and somehow makes a cutting gesture,"No! No, Link! Save it!" Link silents forms an O, shifting his eyes and bringing his attention to the matter at hand. Tatl surreptitiously hovers off screen.

Zelda spun around, hair whipping and shimmering through the air like...uh huuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... corn...flax. Belying her DARK MOOD- "Can't a girl have a depressing inner monologue?! WILICKERS! It's not like YOU'RE comtemplating your lonely, orphan life as an outcast in a society of bullying children and subsequent loss of innocence through uh ... fighting.. a lot?"

Link's mouth hangs open a little, and then his lip quivers a little, then he runs off and cries like a little child, with little whimpers.

Marth watches him go with an uncaring, liquid nitrogen eye. In fact, he can't feel his face, or the rest of his body, because ICE 9 runs in his IMPENETRABLLY SCARRED VEINS. "Mmmmgghhmmmmmuuhhhh," his mouth tries to form words, but his cold exterior prevents him from doing so.

Peach is sitting on a rock, smoking. SMOKING?! "Puma got your tongue, Sweet Cheeks?"

Marth's eyes slowly, with great effort, turn in their sockets to stare at Peach. One eyebrow, on the hinges of time itself, arches ever so slightly upward in an expression of anxiety. The insects work overtime.

MEANWHILE.

Link sat on a rock in a grey glen of leaf-less trees, their branches reaching downward like grasping hands, or huorns, which are pretty awesome. His tears fell from his hands in glistening dribbles as he sobbed like a creature bereft of all. Yeah, just all.

The insects demand time and a half. It is denied, and a pan continental war breaks out over the ordeal. Many die, but many are FORMED in this hot forge of war and strife and blood, and on the ashes of the dead a new insect union is built, one ruled by a congress of battleworn insects with TINY GOL-DEN MEDALS, AND- oh. Well. Some are coverd in chocolate and consumed when they die.

And they are delicious. Yet the issue remain- PZZZPHHFFFFFPHHPPHFFFFFJJJ-"-here, and there too!" Tatl pointed to some metaphysical spaces, which the crickets proceeded to patch. "Damn... I need a break!"

From the surrounding bracken issued an ominous crunch, one that made the very trees quake in horror of this NAMELESS fear. Their roots dug into the ground that screamed back in turgid joy for the advent of its own DOOM. Link only continued to weep tears that would put an animal that looks great on boots to shame.

Again the crunching came, again and again, in a malardioudious rhythm, until finally a figure emerged from the quivering branches. Light sliced through the trees and glinted off of armor so polished, it was too painful for the human eye-ball to take in. Each piece was a masterwork unto itself, and sung harmoniously in a composition almost heavenly, TERRIFYINGLY SO! And they worked together to produce a power UNKNOWN TO HUMAN COMPREHENSION, LIKE THE RESONATING OF A HEAVENLY BUGLE OF WAR!!! WHO DOTH DARE TO SEIZE THE FY-YAAARRRRRR?!!11

"Oh, lookie! It's Samus!" Link intoned gaily and brightly, but then something flew through the air and hit his skull, and instead he shuddered, "Did He who make the Lamb make theeeee?!!"

Then he proceeded to wussify again, and he broke himself to pieces weeping on the ground about his sad and pathetic life of total and utter misfortune. Dr. Phil say's it's okay, Link.

After immolating a small family of squirrels with her mighty artificial plasma, Samus Aran strode over to the leaking (tears) Link and said in an..y'know what? It just an interesting voice. Whatever. "What troubles you, little boy? Are you lost in this forest? You should not wander these places alone."

Link sniffled vigorously, like a rooting mole, or a bloodhound. And said, "I have no MOMMY or DADDY, and ALL MY FRIENDS HATE MEEE AND I WAS RAISED BY A TREE TO DELIVER THE WORLD FROM A HORRIBLE FATE AND I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE AND AN UGLY GREEN MAN WANTS TO KILL ME AND CRAAAAaaaP-!"

After razing the glen with untold firepower, Samus gently placed an armored hand on Link's shoulder, "Would you like to see your parents again? Let me ease your pain and show you a brave, new world."

Scrunched up fists were pulled away from swollen eyes as air whistled into Link's nose again and he looked into Samus's visor hopefully, his voice squeaked, his ears wiggled, "R-really??"

"Of course, little fledgeling. Just stare down this tube; there is cake and happiness on the other side!"

"Oh, boy!"

"OH NOoooo!" something flew out of the trees and smacked into Samus with a very satisfying gong and a great deal of speed, but not in that order. "RUN, LINK! RUN! SHE'S A CRAZY SOCIOPATH!!"

"Buh?" said Link, who was sans the top part of his hat and some of his hair, the remainder of whiched smoked liked kindling. "But she was going to show me cake and happiness!" He sniffed up some of the smoke, "..and charbroiled sausages too, it seems!"

"No Link! She was going to shoot you IN THE FACE!!" cried Link's rescuer, who is none other than YOSHI!

The scene swiftly shifts back to the kitchen, where the rest of the cast has assembled out of nowhere and a disco-ball has dropped from the ceiling. There is an unmarked box on the stage with a microphone in front of it. Sparks shoot up on either side of the stage and the box sings in a remarkably DEEP and SEXY-RESONANT voice,

"Who's the green private !SHEEP! that's a sex machine to all the chicks??"

"YOSHIiiiiii!" the crowd shouts.

"Ya damn right! Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man??"

"YOSHIiiiiii!"

"Can you dig it?? Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about??"

"YOSHIiiiiii!" Captain Falcon begins to breakdance in the middle of the floor, with multiple sqeakins and FY-YARRRRR!!

"Right On! They say this cat Yoshi is a bad mother-"

"Shut yo' mouth!"

"I'm just talkin' 'bout Yoshi..."

Everyone shouts or shrieks "THEN WE CAN DIG IT!!!"

"He's a complicated man, but no one understands him but his woman-  
YO-SHI!!!" The box is tossed off to reveal SOLID SNAKE(!), Who strikes a pose.

Everyone: "AAAAAHHHHHHHH---!"

FZZTT

Back in the forest Yoshi has miraculously wrestled Samus into his mouth via his tongue, which sounds absolutley terrible. Either way, he manages to pop out a fantastical golden egg of power and awesomeness. "Quick, Link! Samus has gone crazy! We need to get out of here before she breaks out of her brass shell of power!"

Link ponders what Yoshi has just said, before pursing his lips and nodding his head back and forth in aggreement, at which point Yoshi grabs him by the hand and they rush out of the death clearing and into the rest of the forest, past unicorns and critters and a young Tom Cruise, who is wearing no pants. Some of the trees bear flyers for Hot Topic, to keep up the facade of being dark and edgy. Posers.

As they near the edge of the forest, they hear a terrible SHATTER, and as they clear the forest a SONIC BOOM rocks their ears as Samus activates her SPEED BOOSTER!

"Whats PUFF wrong PUFF with her PUFF Yoshi?!" puffs Link at Yoshi's side as they catch their breath in the grass. They see Zelda staring broodingly into a fire that she made nearby, while Peach appears to be pole-dancing with Marth's very frozen, yet alarmed looking body.

Then everyone releases an unearthly shriek as Samus streams out of the forest in a shinespark of light, launching themselves into the grass like a series of coordinated action movie stand-ins. The comet warrior smacks her head on Marth, who flies through the air with a "GNNNNGGGGG!" and hits the ground hard with a "AGNGGGGGGNGNGPHMMMM!BARN!SNGGGG..." and making a great furrow in the earth.

One might ask how Marth was able to survive Samus's streaming comet shinespark of death, to those I would say "Just keep telling yourself- this is just a fanfiction- you should really just relax- for MYSTERY SCIEN-" ahem.

Peach immediately launches herself back out of the grass and throws herself on Marth's still liquid nitrogeneous body and proceeds to weep, "MARTH NOOOOOOOO!!!" With unexpected strength, she lifts Marth's still form and cradles him in her arms like a stiff, six foot baby and falls on her knees. "I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO FILL YOUR DARK SOUL WITH LIII-YAAAAAAIIIIGHTT!!!" Her cry echoes. Far away, a Capcom employee shudders in his sleep, then rolls over and continues to dream evil ways to disappoint megaman fans.

We see the silhoette of the author in his window, grasping a pipe in one hand and quietly beating her other palm with it.

Marth, who still isn't dead, resignedly accepts his new position with stoic expressionlessness, wishing he had coffee. With cream.

MRG&W slides through the grass and beeps at Samus, who slowly raises her head out of her personal, Samus-shaped crater in the grass.

"Lassie..? I had the strangest dream... I was so ANGRY, and I wanted to just kill EVERYTHING because I COULD, and my suit was armed with the power of A THOUSAND SUNS!" She shakes her head and plops back down on the grass on her armored bum. Something makes a maraca sound and falls out of an open compartment of her suit. Strangely, the darkness of the evening begins to burn away like a dirty, slow burning napkin.

"Hey, what's this?" Zelda asks, daintily picking up the item that Samus dropped. It's a small jar of pills! "... it says... -Opposite of Sleeping Pills-."

Link's head juts out of the grass from where he was still hiding like a whack-a-mole mole, "Does that mean they're Insomniac pills? Why would Samus be an insomniac by -MPHHFFF!!" He struggles to speak with his new burden, Yoshi, on his back, the dino's arms wrapped around his face.

"SHUT UP, LINK!! Didn't you get the memo?! GAAOOOSH!" he leaps off and gives Link a smack in the head, then premptively throws some antibacterial at him.

"Hey, I can move!" a defrosted Marth leaps up from the ground where Peach had placed him after mourning, arms high in elation, "the freak is wearing off!"

"Great, everyone, great!" Tatl clappity claps her tiny fairy hands from her tiny fairy director's chair. Some locusts are giving her iced tea, "Now, get back to the mansion or wherever you people are supposed to live."

Peach gaped, "B-but... we just got started with this Matrix thing!"

"Too bad. Things are getting tedious. I don't care. MJInc. doesn't care. The primary joke is over. Go back and drink some coffee or something."

Everyone looks at eachother, shrugs, and starts walking back, dusting themselves off.

"So, you guys excited about Brawl?" MRG&W beeps, then shrieks because he HAS TOURETTES! Isn't that funny?! HA HA HA!

"Yeah! Now everyone will finally get to see just how shiney my armor REALLY IS!" Samus pumps her canon into the air, where a blue bird collides with it, bounces off and lands on her head. "..?"

Link smiles and repairs his hat with some knitting needles as he walks, "Ha ha... have you guys been reading all those great LEAKED character lists?! They're so funny... these people have no idea what they're talking about. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they see the REAL LIST!"

HA HAHAA HAAHA ha.

fin.

Next time on THE MEATLOAF CHONICLES...

Who said there'd be a next time?! Well, if there is, it will probably involve ROCKMAN or something. That silly robot and his many offshoots! Enjoy your lives and write me something decent to read. I'm bored, and sociology is boring.

I will be handing out digital funnel cake to anyone who recognized JUST what I was parodying here. Ho ho... It doesn't take a keen eye as much as someone who is IN THE KNOW. And by IN THE KNOW I mean someone who reads METROID FAN FICTION. And by SOMEONE WHO READS METROID FANFICTION I mean SOMEONE WHO WOULD PROBABLY HAND ME MY BUM IF THEY COULD. But they CAN'T, because this is the INTERNET. And NO ONE REALLY CARES.

Peace out. 


	4. Chapter 4: Freaking Fighting Robot

**Part Four: Super Freaking Fighting Robot _AKA_ I'm Going to Yell at You Now _AKA_ Masculinity**

_A/N: The answer to last chapter's quiz is "The Best There Is."_

_Man. I visit the smash section and ALL I find is SEXUAL PERVERSION! Ike slash Marth, Marth slash Roy, Marth slash Link, Pit pedophelia, Marth slash Wolf, Marth slash ROB, Samus slash Jigglypuff- HAVE YOU PEOPLE no SHAME-?! No DECENCY-!? Gilbert Gottfried's GHOST! Do you people need to be sent back to the eighties so that you can learn what a proper romance is??? HINT- it doesn't involve anthropomorphic WOODLAND CREATURES. Go watch PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, you disgusting WEABOOS!_

_EX-HAALE._

_So, I like Megaman a lot now. You'll be seeing a lot of X and Zero in this chapter. No, NO! GO CLEAN YOUR FILTHY MIND WITH SOME COMET AND PINESOL-!_

_Oh, and happy Megaman 9! ((Guess that's a little late now, eh? Um... happy Manga releases! ...AND MEGAMAN 10.)_

*******

Our cast has returned to the beautiful cafeteria, light streaming in through the large arched windows and lighting their peaceful faces. They sleep like babes in the crib, except that they are not babies, and they're in chairs. Must be nice chairs.

Marth the true blue prince is preparing to slide out of his chair like a greased, sleeping monkey, an empty mug held loosely in his hanging hand. A mound of green rises and falls in a zen-like rhythm beneath the table-? Ah! It's Link and Yoshi! Curled into a yin-yang, Link resting his head on Yoshi's tail. Let's hope the poor boy doesn't get salmonella! The hat repairs look great, old chap!

Beneath another table, Zelda snoozes in a carefully arranged nest of fancy dresses. Nice use of fashion, dear! What about our other girls? What is their method of repose? It looks like Peach simply flopped down on a cushion-less couch.

Where are those cushions?? Oh- ha ha! Samus, you funny bunny! You made a fort to sleep in! And you're still wearing your armor! Is that very comfortable?

"Go away.." our huntress groans. It looks like she's not ready to wake up, but she'll have to, because otherwise nothing neat would happen!

"..."

Hoo hoo! Silly Samus and her ellipses! And G&W? Looks like he's up against a wall, resting in a shadow. But what's this? He stirs! It looks like I can return to the pit from whence I came! Or... just change the narration style. I'm... I'm not from a pit.

Sniff.

"It's okay, we can get going now," Tatl says with a bobbing glow.

...alright. If you say so! I... I just want to be loved!

Tatl pats a shoulder, "You ARE loved- HEY! Look!"

A loud knock echoes like a fleshy yet armored fist to a wooden anvil throughout the cafeteria, rousing the smashers from their sleep. Or at least a few of them. Peach opens her eyes sullenly like a very old woman, and slowly pushes herself into a sitting position on the couch. Her hair no longer resembles controlled chaos. Now it really is just a big gold mess, an impressive nimbus. Somehow, the crown is still attached. Probably by MUSHROOM MAGIC.

A spider resting on the arm of the couch examines the possible real estate with a seasoned octuplet of eyes, but skitters away as if on rocket skates when Peach turns to it and hisses like a fire-eyed banshee cobra.

KNOCK KNOCK

THUMP- goes Marth, finally sliding out of his chair and groggily waking with a shriek that sounds curious coming from a man. "-AAAAAAAAAHHHHH OH MY- oh." He comes back to somber reality. He is, in fact, not falling into a bottomless pit whose walls were constructed of rabid tween-aged girls reaching for his manly tiara. His hand swiftly speeds to his brow- yes, it is still there.

"I am manly," he reassures himself.

Suddenly, Ike walks by, waving in greeting with his gigantic sword, tattered cape flapping behind him due to the wind of his great stride, complimented by his dirty headband. He enters the kitchen, opens the fridge, and then slams it shut, his hand now wrapped around a sizable beer, which he pops open with a thumb and begins to glug down as he once again strides out of the room, sword over his shoulder.

Marth holds his head in his hands and cries. Like a woman.

The gigantic door creaks as Peach opens it with great effort. She blinks in confusion and squints.

"Do I know you...two?" she says to the pair of figures beyond the threshold of the smashers' majestic domain.

They are well armored fellows with ornate helmets and impossibly huge boots.

"Hi! No, uh, you don't. I'm X-" says the blue one.

The red one mutters something unintelligble, arms crossed, scowling at a brick in the foundation.

"What was that?" Peach spins a Q-tip in her ear.

"...and I'm Zero," he further adds, like the walking calculator he is. Despite this vehemence, neither look very excited to be there. In fact, their faces look near dead pan, X with a bit of a frown tugging at his face. Zero is picking at dirt on his armor, pretending that he is NOT THERE.

Recognition dawns slowly on Peach's face, "Oh... OH! You're those boys visiting from Capcom! Come in, come in..." she waves them in, bobbing her head, then she swiftly spins around and screams from the top of her lungs, "SOMEONE COME TAKE CARE OF THESE PEOPLE I'M STILL TIRED-!" and then stomps away with a great royal huffing. Shortly after she ascends some stairs. They hear a door slam.

"Man, she needs to use some conditioner," Zero states sagely, shaking his head and stirring the magnificent golden curtain of hair cascading from his helmet LIKE A FOUNTAIN OF MOLTEN GOLDEN CREAMED CORN that is gold. I like creamed corn.

SUDDENLY!(!)((?)) Zero dashes off screen and skids to a stop on a white sound stage in front of a short pillar, on top of which is placed a bottle of Pantene PRO-V shampoo and conditioner. He hunches over, gives two thumbs up, and flashes a winning grin.

"...BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!"

We speed pan back to the Smash doorway, where X stands with a look of pinched concentration, attempting to make sense of the last scene. Zero(!?) is right back where he was, this time with his back turned, carefully thumbing through a stack of green-backs.

X suddenly pouts. "I wanna do paid endorsemeeeeentsss...!"

"Get your own contract, BALDY!"

"Nobody likes me!"

"That's cuz you're a wussy with no hair and fruity weapons!"

X snarls. "LIES! LIES AND DECEIT!" He totally has hair, GREAT hair!

"Oh yeah?! WHAT WEAPON DID YOU GET FROM THAT JELLYFISH THINGY IN X8?! HUH? WHATSIT CALLED?!" accuses Zero, getting all up in X's GRILL. (lolgrill cuz they'remachines.)

"...mrubhblhblrhbh.." X mumbles incoherently.

"I can't HEAR YOU-"

X explodes. "THUNDER DANCER!! OKAY?!" His green eyes begin to shine with a manic gleam as he holds up and morphs his X-buster. "Wanna try it Zero?! Wanna see how FRUITY it is-???!" He approaches Zero with a heavy gait, charging his poorly named weapon. "I'll bet you'd look GREAT with an afro-!"

Predictably, Zero carefully backs up, white hands held up in a gesture of placation. "N-now now, buddy! Don't want to go damaging our friends' property with your sparkle power-"

"GROOOWWWLLL-!!"

_BZZZZZTT-! _pssshhh IT'S... bud duh duh duh- DA DA- duh duh- nuh nuh- nuh nuh- NA NAAAAA- _BZZT_-

We see Tatl working with some bugs. There are some awesome mantises. They have very small name-tags. One is named Greg. This is all irrelavent. "UGH. Wrong channel. Or something. I don't get this anymore."

PSSHHH _TV SNOW-!_

Now we see the set for Maury, which I somehow remember being pink. However, instead of Maury doing the mediating, it's none other than Mewtwo!

"I'm so damn glad to have this part." Mewtwo thinks to himself darkly, lightly moving his tail while levitating above his chair, legs crossed, wearing a nice suit. It is difficult tell whether or not he is being sarcastic, given the outcome of Brawl's roster.

But who is he mediating?? On either side of Mewtwo's seat we see Zero and X, sitting in their armchairs, wearing looks of complete perplexity. Zero grips the arms of his chair, eyes darting around his surroundings without moving his head. X stares straight ahead, his canon still sparking a little. It looks so pretty-

X throws a feral look at the camera-man-

-LIKE IT COULD UNLEASH THE POWER OF A THOUSAND MANLY ATOMIC BOMBS, JUDGEMENT DAY STYLE.

"...what are we doing here?" Zero posits.

His question is overwhelmed by Mewtwo's blaring psychic baritone, "WELCOME TO MAURY, EVERYBODY. Today we have special guest's X and Zero, and it looks like X has a bone to pick with Zero-"

A sickening squeal is heard from the crowd. Without missing a beat, Mewtwo's head swivels like a snake's and his eyes glow a dramatic blue. The offending crowd-member is suddenly teleported to New Jersey in a snap-crack of light.

"So, X," Mewtwo continues with a sigh, sounding bored, "what's your problem." He flops back into his chair, the lack of question mark purposeful. He leans his face on three fingered paw, telekinetically twirling some ping-pong balls with the other.

X leaps to his feet. "NOBODY LIKES ME, and it's all because of THAT BOWIE HAIRED UPSTAGER!!"

Zero sits up straight in his seat, fingers crunching into the arms of his armchair like the claws of a particularly offended eagle. "BOWIE HAIRED?!"

Dance magic dance...

"How come YOU get a girlfriend and DRAMATIC STORY, HUH?! MY NAME IS ON THE FRAKKIN' GAME-!" X gesticulates wildly while spewing similar tired rants, pacing angrily back and forth.

"Hrrm hm hmm.." laughs Saul Tigh from an expensive balcony, be-monocled, Ellen draped on his arm. He sips a screwdriver. (Know your liqueor, kiddies!)

Zero, surprisingly, isn't doing much. His right eye, however, twitches in an apopleptic manner, and he is beginning to foam at the mouth.

"-I mean, you'd think 'Naffy-sama-"

Zero straightens and sits up, face contorted in confusion, "WHO-whUH?!"

X quits pacing and twiddles his fingers, "You know...Dad, Inafking, Inafune-sama..." X's lips quiver and he breaks down. "DADDY DOESN'T LOVE MEEEEEeee!" The second generation Blue Bomber falls to his knees.

Zero does not know what to make of his friend, so he stares at X as if he has somehow grown several new and unique heads. He internally decides that he has had quite enough of this twilight zone, but according to the script Tatl is presently examining, he's going to have to suck it up for a little longer.

Please- they're totally getting free meal certificates to the Smash cafeteria, so whatever.

Mewtwo suddenly comes back to life, sitting up when he realizes he actually has something to do. "Oh, hey, we've got some information for you, X- about your father."

X quits his weeping and stares at Mewtwo. Realization dawns on Zero's face and it suddenly morphs into an expression of absolute horror.

"No...NO!" He dashes up to the psychic cat and pleads, "don't do it!"

Mewtwo blinks. "What? Why? It's not a big deal. It actually explains a lot." The most powerful pokemon in the world continues juggling ping pong balls in one hand. The tinge of drama is unusual, and Tatl keeps a close tab on some meters displayed on a hand held screen. The mantises wipe their brows with diminutive towels.

X now looks suspicious. He gets up and hurries up to Mewtwo. "What is it? What about my father? Is something wrong with Naffy-sama?"

Zero is practically on his knees, pulling his hair out as Mewtwo answers, "Oh, no. Mr. Inafune is just fine. But his status is irrelevant."

"But, you said-"

"X." Mewtwo stops spinning the plastic balls, carfefully setting them in a plastic cup on a nearby table. He leans forward and pins X with a dramatic stare. Secretly, his shaudenfreude meter at the pair's expense is off the charts. Pleasures are far and between for a pokemon that has been supplanted by legendaries considered "gods."

'Arceus my a$$' he thinks to himself.

"X. Mr. Keiji Inafune is not your father."

Zero is still on his knees- face covered by his hands with the expception of one eye, which peers at X to gauge his reaction to this new information. Much like someone staring at a dropping sky city, he cannot look away. He also does not appreciate the metaphor, either.

Whatever, that was just in the game.

"It was still stressful!"

The author wonders about the connections between the in-game events and the apparent celebrity style reality she has going on, but is smacked by Tatl before she can ponder further.

"Stay on task!"

Meanwhile X has deadpanned. He straightens and points an accusing finger at Mewtwo, "Oh, you SO lie!"

"Nuh uh. Honest truth. Go ask on a rockman fan forum. Inafune originally intended Zero to star in the series, but Capcom feared the audience wouldn't be able to connect with him because he wasn't blue. Therefore, someone else, his name lost to time, drew several concepts for a Megaman X. You were the chosen design- YES, audience." you are shocked to be addressed so! AREN'T YOU SHOCKED?! "-this is the truth."

Although I'm not sure if the concept artist's name is actually los-

"ON TOPIC!!"

Zero is hiding behind his chair. X, lost in revelation, sits down in said chair without noticing his flashy looking friend.

"Inafune... is not my father.." The true blue father of repliroids contemplates this.

The top of Zero's helmet peaks from behind the chair, the two horns protruding like the ears of a rabbit scouting for a predator.

"Inafune...is NOT MY FATHER!!" X shouts with unexpected elation as he jumps to his feet and pumps his arms, making Zero fall over in shock. "That explains SO MUCH! Like why he never sends me Christmas cards or comes to my birthday parties!" He picks Zero up by the shoulders and shakes him like a large reploid maraca, "It explains the hole in my heart!"

X drops his friend like a rock. And strikes a pose. "Now I know what I must do!" Zero raises a pointed finger from his face plant on the ground, slowly raising his head and opening his mouth to say something clever, but is cut off by foghorn X- "I MUST GO ON A QUEST TO FIND MY FATHER!!!"

Your new mission, X! For everlasting peace!

Zero lets his face and hand drop back onto the stage. Something in his helmet rattles. He is not sure if he cares. His neatly contoured spot on the floor feels rather comfortable.

Filled with passionate fervor, X blasts a wall out of the studio and runs into the light of the sunset, only to teleport a moment later.

Haha, see what I did there? He didn't need to-

"No one cares."

Awww...

The author stands on the stage, considering the spot where X disappeared. "Bah." She turns to Zero who still hasn't lifted himself out of the floor, "well, you're my favorite anyway."

Zero give a noncomittal grumble in response.

"Although some of the fans HAVE made X pretty cool, like this total Avenging Angel of justice, compassion and awesome. Too bad he's not really like that in the games." She pulls up a chair and sits, resting her arms on the back as she continues to contemplate X's character. It is not clear if she is talking to the air or Zero, and it is difficult to tell whether or not Zero is asleep.

"Yeah, they dealt him a bad hand in X7, what the the whole wussification, but in Maverick Hunter X they seem to be trying to rectify their mistakes-"

-BZZZZZT-

We see the FINALE OF MAVERICK HUNTER X!!

Sigma, Leno-chinned Emperor of Mavericks, sits on a throne of burned repoid chassis with a maginficent red cape, his purple robot doberman lounging on the floor and contemplating its short, purposeless existence.

SUDDENLY!! There's a ginormous, glorious, golden fiery explosion near the front of the room and X emergers from the smoke with the look of a man out to END S***.

Sigma drops his wine glass in surprise, because he is classy and likes wine, jumps up and stumbles into his prepared speech, "X! I see a new clarity in your eyes-"

"I AM GOING TO F*#ING END YOU, SIGMA!!!!!11one11one11" X roars, spittle flying from his roaring face as his eyes nearly bulge out in different directions.

Sigma brings up his arms defensively and flinches back, concern, confusion, and shock etched on his face, "Um-"

X snarls and charges up his buster to a hyperbolic level, "RAAAAAAAAAAGGH-!!" he launches himself at Sigma, still shrieking, "Shining....FINGERRRRRRRRRRR-!!1"

"AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH-!!"

=BZZZ~

"Ah, yes. That's how I remember it," the author nods to herself.

Zero has seated himself in a chair and is abset mindedly cleaning bits of wood from the stage from his armor and his hair. He feels said mane catch on the chair and grumbles in irritation, "Can I go home now, or something?" He would leave outright, but his trust of unpredictable circumstances is lacking.

"Eh, whatever. X will probably be back to participate in future chapters or something. Why not enjoy coffee and fried green tomatoes in the cafeteria with the rest of the cast-" and Zero is gone, for the only thing he loathes more than starring in fanfiction is conversing with self inserted authors in said fiction.

"Jerk." The author looks around in a deadpan manner, then addressed the air, "Did you get it?"

"Can I quit? You're a freak," Tatl emerges from the shadows, carrying something.

"Oh PLEASE. This is the most action you've gotten since Majora's Mask. You know you love it."

"Whatever. Here's your token... creeper."

"Thank you, m'dear!" MJ accepts a lock of Zero's hair, looping it up and sticking it in a small box while humming to herself.

Creeper.

*******

_A/N: Aaahh... that was fun. Did you have fun? I had fun. NAME THE REFERENCES, RECEIVE KNOWING SMILE._

_**NEXT TIME ON...THE MEATLOAF CHRONICLES!** ...I DON'T KNOW. ...yeah. Hm. Maybe nothing.  
_


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